I feel so very...

I'm probably not as complex as I think I am; people can probably see right though me.

It's been a few months now. Being a late bloomer, it has always taken me time to process things, particularly if they're emotional. And now, after all the blatant betrayal and the hypocrisy, I've gotten it.

Initially, the thrill of having my own life back was enough. Regaining my self was, and continues to be, a wonderful experience. As time has gone on, however, I've realized what a fool I let myself be.

And now anger. Memories haunt me occasionally. Let's be clear, it's not the kind of anger where one finds oneself punching holes in walls or anything. I just find myself clenching my teeth, or knitting my brow, when I remember how much was demanded of me, and how very little I got in return.

So what I've realized is that I want it all back. I want my lost potential to not be lost. I want a do-over. I want to have never been awoken at 3am on a work night for a baseless argument. I want to not have my regular haunts tainted by the awful memories. I thought I was wholesale ok. But the insanity, the holistic irrationality that permeates the situation...

I wish she didn't pretend logic doesn't apply to her.

I'd like to hope that I'm dealing well. Any thoughts?