I am older than I ever was

Skeletons by omgmt

I am secretly patting myself on the back.

Despite the ridiculous work schedule that makes it impossible to establish a definable sleep pattern, the wavering between caffeine and no caffeine, the accidental excessive drinking... My relentless introspection has yielded a revelation. Behold!

My unflappable addiction to media has meaning. Bear with me, as I don't know how many words it will take to make my point.

I don't like to talk to people who don't know me. I like making a good impression, but I can attribute that to my lifelong love affair with words-- a girl I'd only met twice called me charming once, and I still think it was the best and most shocking compliment I've ever received. But I realized this evening that I don't like to burn bridges. When I see someone I've known for a very long time, I can converse with them with so much more fluidity than I can with someone I've just met who, say, can pontificate without provocation about growing up in Florida.

Likewise, I've been known to say that I love to hate the town I call home. The mutual getting-each-other makes interaction feel natural, which rarely, if ever, occurs with someone or something I've only just met.

Media. TV. Music. Movies. Art in general. I can criticize these things without the slightest fear that I will hurt anyone's feelings. Unabashed honesty. Because human interaction feels like a game sometimes. Of course, there are exceptions-- there are a meager few people for whom I have nothing but praise. And with them I can be honest. Otherwise, as far as the general population goes, including many of my friends, I often feel very uncomfortable around. No real idea why. It is a testament to my reputation as being a robot that it's taken me thirty years to process these hu-man emotions.

Anyway, expect my next entry to be about my opinion of the British vs. American versions of Being Human. And if it gestates right in my brain, it will be a hugely microcosmic insight into what the hell goes on inside my head.